MINAS TIRITH (Gondor News Network) - Thousands of peace activists took to the streets of Minas Tirith and other cities of Middle Earth today to protest what they termed a rush to war with Mordor.

"We need more time for diplomacy," said a key member of the Middle-Earth Security Council, Saruman the White. "I am not convinced by the evidence presented by my esteemed colleague, Gandalf the Grey, or that the Dark Lord Sauron presents an imminent danger to the peoples of the West."

Many of the people protesting war in Mordor agreed with Saruman's remarks. "Sauron says he's destroyed his Rings of Mass Destruction (RMD) and that's good enough for me," said one fellow carrying a sign that said "Elrond is a Balrog." Another demonstrator urged, "Give the RMD inspectors more time. There's no reason to rush to any judgment just because Mount Doom is belching lava, the Dark Tower is rebuilt, and Osgiliath has been decimated." A third protester piped up, "I haven't heard a single bit of convincing evidence connecting the Nazgul with Sauron. I think they destroyed Osgiliath on their own initiative without any support from Sauron. Besides, it's understandable they're angry with Gondor. We haven't done nearly as much for the Orcs and Goblins and Easterlings as the Nazgul and Sauron have. It's understandable they throw their support to them. It's our own fault really."

As the protesters continued their march through the city, they chanted, "No blood for Mount Doom," voicing a common sentiment that the leaders of the Western peoples are really seeking to get their hands on the powerful Mount Doom, where the One Ring of Power was allegedly forged.

Gandalf the Grey was unavailable for comment. A spokesman said he was in an undisclosed underground location, which sources have revealed is codenamed "Moria."

Right now, Sharill's brothers are here at our apartment, watching Lord of the Rings. We are preparing to play LOTR Trivial Pursuit. It's nice to know that there are other people willing to play us and be vanquished.

The first post! It's a joint effort, I'm Liz, she's Sharill. By she, of course, I mean my lovely roommate of almost 4 years, Sharill. Three more years and we can move to Massachusetts and register for china and blenders and stuff. Take a bow, Sharill.

- I am.

Good. To continue, we went to college together, moved in together, and are still living in near connubial bliss four years later, after a brief hiatus when the bitch left me and went to London. Now it's my turn - revenge is sweet, for I am going to China next year. Haha, I cross more time zones than she did!

- Yeah, but London is a lot cooler, plus they speak English, and that's where Wills is.

You didn't even meet him! She throws that in my face all the time. "Ooh, I was close to St. Andrews." Blah, blah, blah. Gay boys ruin everything.

- Whatever. It's my turn now, bitch. The dog is mine, you don't pay for shit! Don't even try to go claiming the dog. You're lucky she even recognizes you after the time you spend trying to sneak around the house and be quiet so she won't know you're home so you don't have to let her out and walk her.

Just because you fell in love with a dog first, now you think you can complain about paying for everything?

- That's SO not even true. You wanted those big-ass sister dogs that we never could have a) fit in the house; and b) afforded the food for. Then you decided to pick a dog from the puppy caravan place with the scary lady but they thought we were lesbians and wouldn't let us adopt. All your fault.

Yeah, your tiny cute little dog is now 31 pounds.

- Shut up or I'll make her sit on you.

I'm really scared now.

- I'm hungry.

Me too. Want to go get Taco Bell?

- Ooh....Mountain Dew and crunchwraps. Does it count against project hotness if we share one?

Absolutely not. Shared food is shared calories, but halved because it's good karma to share.

- I can make myself believe that for tonight. To the border! Are you driving or am I?

I drove to Christian's, you have to drive to the Bell. Besides, you're the one with the money.

- True.